Friday, April 25, 2008

My Trip to the Snitzel

Here is a play by play of my first trip to Wienersnitzel.

11:45 a.m. It is almost lunchtime and my body prepared for the nourishment it assumed it would be receiving soon.

11:46 a.m. I glance again at the wall clock and wonder if the battery has died.

11:48 a.m. My brain has already left for its lunch break so I sit and stare at the wall mindlessly.

11:48 1/2 Refocusing, I try to look busy as my employer saunters past my cubical, but my mind is filled with thoughts of savory sauces, delightful dips, flavorful fruits and marvelous meats.

11:52 I silently debate where I should dine.

11:57 After five minutes of mental elimination, I still cannot choose.

11:59 The sound of fellow coworkers packing up their belongings breaks the steady hum of computers, and I begin zipping up my laptop bag.

12:00 The whistle blows from a distance, and everyone moves as one toward the doors which lead out into the bright autumn sunshine.

12:06 I reach my car, unlock the door, place my bag on the passenger's seat and start up my GT mustang.

12:08 Pulling out of the parking lot onto the main drag, I contemplate my eating options. Taco Bell - filling, cheap and relatively tasty. Quizno's - also filling but more costly. In n' Out - VERY tasty and fairly cheap, but I had already given them my business twice that week already. Why not choose something totally different?

12:11 To be brave, I maneuver my car into the Weinersnitzel parking lot. I had driven by millions of times, but never stopped.

12:13 Never looking back, I stroll casually into the Snitzel and glance at my surroundings. Ten tables, all empty and a soda fountain are my only companions.

12:15 3/4 I redirect my focus to the menu above the counter. Hot dogs, fries and burritos... BURRITOS! What the snitzel? I allow my mind to move past the burritos and continue down the menu.

12:18 I wonder how many ways you can take the most unappetizing food, beans, and put them with something else to attempt to disguise them.

12:21 I scan the menu 3 times hoping something will catch my eye...

12:24 Choosing to play it safe, I decide upon a #7 which is two corn dogs that comes with a regular fry and medium drink.

12:26 Approaching the counter, I look beyond for any like forms. No one appears, and I continue to wait... and wait... and wait...

12:30 I notice a bell on the counter with a sign "Please ring for service."

12:31 I ring the bell.

12:32 The smallest, most wrinkly old woman who couldn't have been less than 120 shuffles up to the counter and looking up at me through her cokebottle lensed glasses, and in a cracked voice says with surprising intensity "well, wat'll it be?"

12:34 Struck dumb by her appearance, I stammer my order and pay in cash.

12:37 I watch the woman walk back to the kitchen and throw items that look anything like food but somewhat resemble chili beans into a pot and stir the steaming, bubbling brew for a times.

12:40 I watch in mortification as she "accidentally" drops a whole jar of chili powder into the pot, and jumping slightly, continues to stir.

12:42 The "corndog" appears from somewhere else in the back, and the worker gingerly places it onto a plate. I also notice that she has a bit of a cold... just an observation.

12:45 The brown, lumpy liquid is ladled from the pot and onto the corndog! what the snitzel! I'm beginning to feel not so hungry. As she carries the lunch tray out and hands it to me, my stomach turns.

12:47 I slide into a corner booth in the empty restaurant and begin a stare down with my dog.

12:52 I pick up the dog, it makes a mess all over the plate, and I return it to its place on the plate.

12:53 1/2 I cannot bring myself to eat it! I cannot do it. oh, boy. Laying an opened napkin over the lunch, I carefully carry the still steaming tray over to the garbage and slide it inconspicuously in.

12:54 I receive a dirty look from the woman behind the counter as I run for my life.

12:57 I hop into my car, rev the engine, shoot out of the parking lot into the street, and jam back to work.

12:59 I decide to never again risk my life at the Snitzel, and mark the day on my calendar as one of the few times where I narrowly escaped death.


Jonathan Armstrong said...

I love the play by play, with all the detailed info, you are so creative. :=)

Anonymous said...

What a sad waste of food. Well put together

Anonymous said...

that was honestly amazing. i was completely captivated.

car said...

I've allways been scared of Weinersnitzel now I know why. lol