Must...Sleep...In...

Since school started, I have been getting up earlier than I ever have throughout my entire life. Although I was never allowed to sleep in during the school week while being homeschooled, I always had a sufficient amount of sleep.

All that changed when I started going to Delta. Currently I'm not getting more than 6 hours of sleep a night which is really cutting back from what I got previously. Mommy G has commented almost everyday that I look extremely tired and should take a nap. (Thanks mom) And even though I wish I could sleep more, it just isn't possible at this point in time.

Last Friday I had the opportunity to sleep in way past the normal time of awakening.

Great, I thought, finally a chance to catch up on some much needed slumber. At least that's what I thought.

On Friday morning I rolled over and glanced at the screen of my bedside clock. It read 6:03. What?! That can't be right! Rolling the other way, I looked at the clock on my computer: 6:03.

Now wide awake, I lay in bed and stared intently at the ceiling. I have never had any trouble sleeping in past 9:30 before. Weird. So I snuggled down under the blankets a little farther and went back to Nigh Night Land.

My eyes popped open and I glanced at the clock. 6:37! Alright, I thought. Enough is enough! Highly perturbed, I snuggled even farther down into the sheets and grumbled to myself. Again, I fell asleep.

The sunlight was doing its best to shine through my shades and tell me it was morning. But after two "false alarms," I didn't ever want to look at the clock again. Well, I thought, I guess that eventually I'll have to look at the clock so it might as well be now. I peaked out from under my cave-like structure I had unknowingly made out of the blankets to see the time. 7:42. How exasperating!

After another hour of off and on slumber, I got up. So at around 8:45 I sat down at my computer and stared at the screen, terribly upset. Why couldn't I just sleep in until I was ready to get going?

Then it dawned on me; I was waking up because I felt like I was "wasting" my precious hours on sleep when I could be doing something productive. My mind and body were ready to get to work whereas I didn't think I was.

I woke up farther immersed in the world of grown-ups than when I had gone to sleep. Not sleeping because you're concerned about school, work you name it always struck me as something that happened to you when you got old! Kind of scary, kind of freaky, but also kind of new and kind of exciting. But however new and exciting, I will be sleeping in tomorrow morning. Zzzzzzzzzzzz......

Note that the above picture is of Sleeping Beauty and not of me. Unfortunately, my hair doesn't look like that after sleeping.

The 18th Candle

As many of you know, thanks to spadoodles, Sunday is my 18th birthday.

If you asked me right now if I think being 18 will be cool, sweet, jazzy and altogether a blast, I wouldn't have an answer for you. You see, at this point, I have mixed emotions about the whole "becoming an adult" thing. I can't wait to be old enough to drive everyone I want, old enough to vote, old enough to fall in love, old enough to get married, old enough to have children and raise them according to God's will, old enough to actually grow old, and eventually die completely sure of where I will go. On the other hand, though, the whole "mature adult" thing kind of freaks me out. Turning 18 signifies the change from a dependent kid to a mostly independent individual.

The responsibilities seem overwhelming all of the sudden. My tasks seem endless, and school feels like it will never end. I feel so inexperienced in the ways of adulthood. When I was a senior in high school, I felt fairly knowledgeable about many things. I guess you could say that I had a big head. (I wish that you wouldn't.) Being a high school senior made me feel important as most everyone was carefully observing my every move. But now I know that I was just fooled like all the other seniors into thinking that we had made it to the top of the "knowledge ladder," and could just take in the view.

I just recently realized (like since I started college) how little I know about adult life and everything that is enjoyed or endured by the normal adult. Take marriage as an example. I can't get married right now, and if I did, I wouldn't know the first thing about it. Or we could talk about jobs. Besides working as an intern for my church, I have never had a "real" job in my life. Or we could even talk about managing a household, having children, raising children, enduring the stresses of normal life and providing for someone else's needs. I have some head knowledge yes, but my experience in the real world is very limited. VERY limited.

Part of this shock comes from being carefully sheltered from materials and images that would have scarred my mind at a young age. My parents both realized that protection would not be necessary forever, only until I was capable and mature enough to make wise choices on my own. Over the last few years they have allowed bits and pieces of nonkid-friendly material to reach me. Their godly wisdom was displayed by the careful thought that went into the exposure. Recognizing I would eventually need to understand complex and worldly issues, they have gradually been "working" me into the world when they saw the desired amount of maturity. Meaning I still don't know all that much. ;)

Growing up requires a lot of responsibility and maturity. As I am slowly shoved into the adult world, I am just going to have to learn how everything is done, and believe me, I will be doing a lot of praying along the way. I realize mistakes are inevitable because of my human nature, but by asking my Heavenly Father for wisdom, I will be able to trust that He will lead me and show me the right thing to do.

James 1:5 "If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him."